Today's Teachers Write Blog post is courtesy of Kate Messner and David Lubar about fixing inevitable mistakes.
I think that you need to consider your audience and structure of your original piece. Maybe it would be more appropriate to change the format into a chapter sort of book. This might make your book more appealing to a more sophisticated audience. Good luck with your changes. Although I originally like how you wrote me, I think it could be better the new way.
Hello friends. I am Fred the frog...I am green and a bit slimy and walk or hop on four legs. A funny thing about my legs, they've stretched and grown since I was a tadpole. Soon after I hatched from my egg, I had a tail and no legs and I got to swim through the water like a fish. My back legs continued to grow. Before I knew it, I had front legs too and could hop onto the land nearby instead of only living in Carol Pond. On top of all this growing excitement, I also lost my tail! Who knew?
Now, my favorite place to hang out is around the lady’s flower pot. I slowly creep out on hot summer evenings to hunt for my dinner of bugs. I don't like sharing my flower pot with anyone else, I love to keep all the bugs for me so I can eat, eat, eat!
When I was first born, I had lots of brothers and sisters. We all hung out as small black eggs together in the water connected to the roots of the lily pads in Carol Pond. After we hatched, I got to spend lots of time swimming with the family in the water of the pond. Sadly, some of my siblings (my brothers and sisters) were eaten by Koi which are a kind of fish or Blue Heron, which are a type of bird or hawks. I don't see my family much now that we've all left the pond. We went our separate ways.
I'm going to tell you about my favorite part of me-my tongue! I love how I can stretch it out and use it to catch my prey, like beetles, flies and ants. I want to fill my belly with good things to eat. The least favorite thing about me is my skin. People stare at my skin and comment about its ugliness when they see me. That makes me feel sad sometimes.
There is a myth that people always blurt when they see me and try to pick me up- “Don’t pick it up, it will pee on your hand and give you warts!” This is completely untrue! I think that mommies made this up so their kids wouldn't pick up frogs. However, I do have warts on my skin that can pass along bad bacteria to people-so you might not want to touch me after all.
I am most afraid of birds. I don't like birds for two reasons. One reason is they can be big enough to swoop down out of the sky and eat me! The other reason I don't like them is because the smaller birds swoop into my garden and eat the bugs I was spying on for dinner. You can see why I wouldn’t want to be friends with a bird!
All About You! So now that you know a little bit about me, what could you tell about you?